He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
