Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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