Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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