oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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