last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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