I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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