I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
