trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Someone came in the potted fern
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
