she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize