Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
