and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
