Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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