his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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