You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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