you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
