Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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