Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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(951): View more from California

I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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(949): View more from California

I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

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(850): View more from Florida

He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?

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(919): View more from North Carolina

chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.

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