I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
