Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
