I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
