Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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