Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
false alarm, still single
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
