She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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