Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
sex in a hospital.. check
He did a backflip because drugs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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