I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
