My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
