What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
MIDGETS
????
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
