I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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