we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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