Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize