True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
