My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I FOUND THE LEGS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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