alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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