she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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