i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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