I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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