ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
