I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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