life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
