the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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