hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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