So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize