can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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