Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
