Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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