I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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