You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
