she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
