ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
