Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
dude. I can hear the air.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
