Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
