It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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