In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
