Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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