My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
