seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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