You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
