he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
