My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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