It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
