and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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