How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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