I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
