Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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