Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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