and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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