i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like eating out sand paper
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
