toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
