There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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