they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
