is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
