i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
