we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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